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Proof Reading Help!

7 replies [Last post]
Tue, 05/24/2016 - 06:56
The-Zipang
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Hello there!
I am the designer of Zipang Portable, which is a feudal Japan themed micro card action game. First time posting comment on this forum.

Hoping to find a way to receive broad "sanity" checking on rules before we move into the Kickstarter phase for this game. I think the rules are 99% finished, but I was more struggling on how to explain the rules "easy" so the casual players can also access this game. This is where I was having bit difficulties making the rules explained more clealry.

Here is my WIP rules for this game.
https://www.dropbox.com/s/7naqva9b28nctlf/manual_prtbl_15th.pdf?dl=0

Really appreciated, if anybody can provide feedback on this.

Here is more info about the game.

Facebook:
https://www.facebook.com/thezipang/
BGG WIP:
https://boardgamegeek.com/thread/1350777/wip-table-top-war-feudal-japan-...

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Tue, 05/24/2016 - 21:09
#1
questccg
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Found some spelling errors

"...which represents land and resource control in Zipang."
Should be:
"...which represents land and resources controlled in Zipang."

"...according to their Manogoku totals."
Should be:
"according to their Mangoku totals."

Also if it is a tie, it's "ridiculous" to play an entire game AGAIN - just because the two topmost players are tie. I would find some way of resolving the game such as ONE (1) MORE Campaign with ONLY the TWO (2) HIGHEST Mangoku players - deciding clearly who is the victor.

"...Mangoku each for 2 players game),..."
Should be:
"...Mangoku each for 2 player game),..."

Also "Randomly choose a first player for the beginning of the game." makes no sense at all. You need a system to select the first player otherwise everyone is going to be like "I go FIRST!" Oldest player goes first (an easy reason: eldest is always the wisest - and this is a Shogun game).

I'm not going to say I understood everything.

But I think you should have it PROOFED by an English speaker. I've pointed out a few things... But there are details that have been omitted.

Like: "Bandit and Merchant cards can still affect you."

HOW? If you put a rule or an exception in the rulebook, you should explain it.

The rules feel very "here and there... with exceptions and additions." You need to clarify even if that means an extra page or two with clearer examples.

"There is exception to the player campaign elimination rules
as in below."
Should be:
"There are two exceptions to the player campaign elimination rules
as indicated below."

Like I said you really need an English proof-reader to have a better look.

Best of luck with your game.

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Tue, 05/24/2016 - 21:27
#2
Squinshee
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I see no reason to help

I see no reason to help someone who is only here to advertise their game and get free copy-editing.

I do, however, wish you the best of luck with your game.

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Tue, 05/24/2016 - 22:13
#3
Arcuate
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Joined: 02/05/2016
Squinshee raises a good point.

Squinshee raises a good point. I see a lot of people who drop in to this and similar forums to get favours done for them, and not so many offering help.

While I am not keen on a point system based on experience, or who is "real" game designer, some way of keeping track of who is willing to help and who has helped would be nice.

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Tue, 05/24/2016 - 22:35
#4
questccg
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What bugs me...

They already have an "Editor" ... Make sure the "Editor" has done the proper job. If not go on Fiverr (http://www.fiverr.com) and find an "english editing" specialist. There are TONS of them and they are very reasonable.

Or go to "The Game Crafter" (TGC) and do a "Sanity Test" for $30 USD. Their website is: http://www.thegamecrafter.com.

They can also help with the structure of the rules and provide clearer explanations.

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Wed, 05/25/2016 - 01:14
#5
The-Zipang
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Appreciate for the feedback

Thank you for the critical feedaback.
It is very easy for me to get used to the current quality level, so hearing outside voice like this is really valuable for me. Yes, I was thinking of doing the final english cosmetic proof read at the final moment, but it seems I should just start leveraging the pro service sooner.

I will incorporate many of the great feedbacks.

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Wed, 05/25/2016 - 01:24
#6
The-Zipang
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Thank you for the links.

Yes, I was thinking about leveraging the TGc's sanityncheck.
I think now could be the great timing for that.

And the other site,, fiverr this could be very handy too.
Will check it out. Thanks for dropping these notes.

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Thu, 05/26/2016 - 03:43
#7
Soulfinger
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The-Zipang wrote:Yes, I was

The-Zipang wrote:
Yes, I was thinking of doing the final english cosmetic proof read at the final moment, but it seems I should just start leveraging the pro service sooner.

Seriously? You can hire a competent editor for as little as 1 or 2 cents per word. Why wait until the last minute?

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