As some of you may know, I'm expecting my first child in a couple of months as of this writing.
And as some of you know, I released my first card game last year.
But I've found myself being more concerned about my child than expanding my game. While this may be a "well duh" moment, I've just haven't had the motivation to continue with my game...or any game.
Part of why I designed my game was to legitimize myself as an analog game instructor at the college I teach at, part of it was coping with the deaths of a couple of family members and a close high school friend within a short span of time. Money had never really been a motivator and when I finished my game, I felt like I was done.
But times have changed..,and I really loved making my game.
I still "design" games...do write ups, brainstorm with people, converse about "what ifs" and potential game mechanics.
But is it wrong for me to just be...unmotivated? At least right now?
I've thought about just waiting until I can get the hang of raising a child before I jump into designing again, but I'll lose the little momentum I've gathered in the last year. I'm surprised I was able to do what I've done in the last year and I kinda wish I could keep going.
Is this common for any of you fathers out there? What do you do to stay motivated?
Comments
That's a tough one.
That's a tough one. Post-natal depression is actually very common in men, but usually not discussed. A large part of it is having to give up things you value. Most men would have a list of things that took a hit when they became fathers, and it wouldn't just have "boardgames" on the list. There is, of course, a huge upside, but it might take a while before that is quite as apparent as everyone tells you it should be.
It's okay for motivation to fluctuate. But if I were you I would reserve some time for yourself in the weekly schedule, and keep doing at least some of what is important to you, and makes you happy. Just make sure you pay back the favour and let your partner have her time as well. Discuss it now before it is an issue.
Use it as an experience
When I had kids I was all over the place. Eventually stuff settled down & I got used to being tired & unable to think for a few years.
But, just take it easy & file everything away. Eventually you will have not only memories but stuff you can possibly use towards game ideas. And in a few years you will be able to make & play games with your kid, & there is no more brutal tester/provider of feedback than a little kid that hasn't learnt how to not hurt someone's feelings with what they say.
Also, kids learn through games, & having kids gives adults an excuse to do, say & play stupid things. Make the most of it & do all those things you would normally be to embarrassed to do.
Most of all, no matter how tough it gets, remind yourself that one day your kids could be playing your games & taking them to school for show & tell. Every kid there will be jealous that your kids dad gets to make games for his job while their dad sits at a desk etc.
I completely understand
I, myself, am also expecting my first come August. In addition, I'm starting a PhD program at around the same time. The timing just couldn't be better (insert sarcasm here) :) My game designing days may well be over.
I've never actually published anything yet, although I work on my games on and off. Since game design is a creative pursuit, my ability to make games and think creatively is strongly linked to my energy levels and motivation. It's really hard to create art when I'm depressed (as I get every winter). When that happens, I find that it's OK to shelf my creations and then come back to them with a fresh set of eyes later on. As terrible as it sounds, I've never gone back to my previous creations; I just keep moving forward with new ones, and they get better and better each time I make a new game.
The experience you've already had with it will never leave you - you've learned the patterns that make a game tick, and you won't soon forget it. Don't let Game design take over your life - it's unlikely that you'll be able to pursue it as a full-time job, so let your full-time responsibilities take first priority, and when you have time and motivation, let game design fill the cracks.